Friday, 1 April 2016

10 Things I've Learned As A New Daddy This Week (Part 9)

1. Whoever designed baby clothes and onesies that button down the back is a sadistic son of a bitch. On the plus side, envelope sleeves are a godsend!

2. Formula milk must contain essence of asparagus or something just as gross. Mara's wee stinks now. It would bring a tear to a glass eye!

3. Elvis and Mara met for the first time on Monday night. Neither was too impressed with the other! 

4. I don't know what Caroline has been eating recently, or if it's because we're making the switch to bottles of  formula milk, but Sweet Jesus! Mara's nappies have been absolutely vile of late! Like, rancid, and FULL! So much so, Caz physically retched this morning!

To quote one of our favourite movies, Jurassic Park - 


5. A baby that hasn't pooped in over 24 hours is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.
I'm almost certain the lingering stench of Mara's last nappy has taken value off our house!

6. Until you put a soiled muslin cloth to your nose to check if its clean or not, you have no idea what the word "rank" means. No idea at all. Honestly, it could bring down an elephant from 20 feet away.

7. Getting a crying baby to sleep is similar to a game of Snakes & Ladders. One wrong move and you're back to the beginning.

8. The short film from Disney/Pixar, LAVA,  has been instrumental in getting Mara off to sleep the last few nights. I played it on loop for an hour this morning while I paced the living room just to get her to settle. If you haven't seen it before, click the link above, its only about 6 minutes long but really sweet. Let me know what you think of it!

9. For those of you who have seen me in the last 2 months, you may have noticed I'm carrying a bit more timber than usual. This is down to the erratic eating that has occurred since Mara propelled herself into our lives 2 months early. Also what eating half a packet of biscuits with a cup of tea at three in the morning for 4 weeks will do to you. Its not entirely Mara's fault!
I joined up to our local Pure Gym at the start of the year in order to get myself fitter, not just for myself but for Caroline and baby too.
Now, there is no greater incentive for me to get back to the gym religiously than my daughter confusing me for her mum and trying to breast feed from me in the middle of the night through my t-shirt while I'm trying to cuddle her to sleep. 
I felt a bit like Robert De Niro in "Meet The Little Fockers!" 
Mortified!
Mara - "Hhhmmm, I don't remember this restaurant having a carpet before..."

10. Mara is growing up so fast, and getting bigger and stronger every day. She's now up to 4lbs 8oz and outgrowing clothes already. This makes me happy and sad at the same time.



A Special "New Mummy Thoughts" will be up by the end of the weekend!