10 Things Ive Learned As A New Daddy This Week (Part 10)

1. That moment when you think there's something the matter with your baby but then you quickly realise they're just having a massive shite.

2. Sleep deprivation is a headf**k
I lay in bed for a bit this morning questioning myself as to whether I had just woken up or just come to bed.

3. I have discovered that I have an issue with places that don't offer baby change facilities for dads to use. We went out on Saturday for our first meal as a family and I got quite annoyed that Caroline was expected to change Mara's nappy! Where did that come from?! Its 2016! The Year Of The Dad (according to the NHS anyway!) #DadsForChange

4. Repeating the word ‘sleep’ to your baby in different accents of varying quality is not effective in the slightest. You end up sounding a bit like Dory trying to speak whale in Finding Nemo. They just look at you like you have something stuck to your face.

5. My most consistent and vivid fantasy these days is about owning a second outdoor bin.

6. Some baby pukes have the force of an angry power shower. Papa G & Grannie can testify to that! Apparently, she looked something like this on Sunday night...
Mara wasn't the only one who had to get changed...

7. Me and the wife don't have names anymore. We're simply mummy and daddy.

8. Bibs with Velcro on attack all the other washing in the machine like sticky, parasitic bastards. Muslin cloths tend to fare worst. Luckily, we have about 400 in constant circulation!

9. It's impossible to tidy the house. You can move things around and put them in different rooms but the house will remain a shit hole. With a faint aroma of baby sick and desperation.

10. When she pukes, Mara has a fantastic aim! Just the other morning when burping her she managed to sick up right down the sleeve of my house coat and cover my elbow! Not a drop on her though!