10 Things Ive Learned As A New Daddy (Part 18)

1. Sleep is an old friend I've lost contact with. Recently, we were reacquainted, but then proper teeth started making an appearance and she's left again.

2. Mara has this little "sweet spot" for napping where she's just sleepy enough to drift off without putting up a fight, but isn't overtired. It lasts approximately 10 seconds.

3. The council have finally done it... They've replaced all the big family sized bins with ones made for single people who stay in with their cats and drink wine for every meal. Why?! We live in a nice neighbourhood, why are you trying to destroy us?! Do you know how many nappies Mara goes through in a week? Climb down off your eco high-horse you, we're not scrubbing grotty nappies by hand for anyone.

4. Hamley's Toy Store is no place to go after a twin wedding weekend and the remnants of a hangover still haunting you. I can't handle them like I used to.

5. Judging by the amount of times Mara has kicked me in balls today, she's not interested in siblings.

6. For some reason I still set my alarm every night for 7.30am the following morning. Utterly pointless.

7. Elvis has worked out that every time Mara goes into her high chair he is likely to be rewarded with a stray piece of toast or a rusk.

8. One of the most magical sounds in the world is hearing Caroline and Mara laughing their heads off together in the living room when I come in from work. It beats the sound of the tumble dryer being on again anyway!

9. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is really beginning to get on my tits.

10. When Mara blow raspberries in the middle of a tantrum it sends very mixed messages.