10 Things Ive Learned As A New Dad This Week - Part 24

1. That pesky sleep deprivation bug is doing the rounds again. I caught Caz spraying her hair with deodorant on Sunday morning instead of hairspray.

2.There's nothing weird about getting poo on my hand anymore. Which, in itself, is also weird.

3. For reasons unknown, I still set my alarm for 7.30am every morning. Utterly fucking pointless.

4. Nothing encourages you to quicken your pace like a baby wet-farting while you're mid nappy change.

5. I'd rather see Mara's empty plate at the end of any meal than have my lottery numbers come up during a rollover.

6. It turns out your little one doesn't have to be two for you to begin experiencing the Terrible Twos...

7. Pushing a pram up the hill on Longridge Main Street should be a part of basic training in the military! Climbing mountains would be piss easy if you've already mastered the incline between the bottom and top of the road.

8. Instead of companies spending cash on expensive risk assessment procedures, they should just put a crawling baby into the building as they would instantly find all the danger areas. Mara's current hotspots are the two wooden coffee tables in our living room (sharp corners and drawer handles) and under the dining room table (occasionally with a grumpy bunny laying around!)

9. Talking of grumpy bunnies, Mara has learnt to pat Elvis on the head softly and not whack him between the eyes like she used to. It makes us melt a little.

10. She's also learnt to blow kisses. This is my new favourite thing.